How I Feel Loved

A fellow blogger and dear friend from college, Rachel, recently blogged about Gary Chapman's Five Love Languages. I wanted to share how Chris and I used the Five Love Languages to enhance our marriage early on because he was doing things because he loved me but he wasn't speaking my love language.

The five love languages (as explained by Gary Chapman):

1. Physical Touch
2. Words of Affirmation (compliments, nice notes, etc.)
3. Quality Time (spending meaningful time together)
4. Acts of Service (doing something for a person, like cleaning for them or washing their car)
5. Gift Giving

When Chris and I first got married, we struggled with loving each other the way we wanted to be loved. I would hug and kiss Chris and give him lots of compliments while he would shower me with gifts and do lots for me. To me, it seemed that Chris's actions were heartless and non-meaningful. To Chris, it seemed like I was just doing something that came naturally to me (which it did) but wasn't meeting his needs. That's because my top language is physical touch, followed by words of affirmation and quality time, while his two top languages are acts of service and gift giving. Once we identified that was one of our issues, our relationship changed significantly. He began hugging, cuddling, and holding me willingly because he knew I needed that. In turn, I made sure to surprise him by doing things like cleaning the house without him or taking care of things he said he would do or sometimes picking up a small present. Our relationship changed signficantly for the better. It was really neat.

Anyhow, I just wanted to share that how I feel loved is physical touch. I am a hugger and a cuddler. When I'm sad, the best thing you can do for me is put your arm around me and just be with me--that's a quality time thing. When I am happy, grab my hands and jump up and down for joy. Then squeeze me tight and say yay with me! It's funny but the more I realize about myself, the more intrigued I am by myself and others. God made us all so different and with such unique needs and desires.

What's your love language? Your spouse or significant other's? Your best friend's?
Think about it....It may help you to identify yours and theirs and you may find that your relationship is better because of it.

~Shannon

I finally told them....

Well, now I am just waiting for the bloodwork to come back. I am still exhausted. Friday night we had a Christmas party with a few friends--it was a really good time. Saturday, I got blood taken, ran a few errands, and then my parents and my youngest sister and Chris's parents, sisters, and youngest brother---and sis's fiance- came over for a family Christmas dinner. It was a lot of fun. But I was so dizzy that it was a wee bit frustrating for me. There was also some emotional stress going on. Here's what happened this past weekend and a bit more of my past.....

I had decided to share something that happened to me a long time ago with my mom and my dad. I told my sister B last week. She handled it well. I was nervous about how my parents will respond but they did perfectly. I don't want to get overly specific about what happened but I will share this. An adult person in my extended family inappropriately touched me the evening of a holiday celebration when I was in my early teens. This was highly traumatic to me and I attempted to repress this sexual trauma the rest of my teenage years. However, when I got to college, I knew I needed to deal with it and found a safe place to release my feelings and talk about what had happened.

Saturday night when Chris and I sat down with my mom and dad, I was nervous but ready. I prefaced the conversation by sharing with them that what I was sharing with them was not of vengeance or anger but more out of concern for my sister, other family members, and if God should bless us with more children, for their sake. My parents handled it absolutely perfectly. I cried as I finished telling them but I was okay too...I felt secure and safe. Chris later on told me how proud he was of me---something that really made me feel good and made me feel so safe with him. My mom and dad were both empathic. I did not push them to process or ask what they decided to do with the information. That's up to them. I simply needed to share with them to get this secret out of head and to reassure myself that other children would be watched and not put in the same situation.

So that's that...
I definitely feel stronger than I did......I had no clue I could do it!

Praise God who has given me strength to do things that I never could have done on my own and who has sent His Holy Spirit to counsel and comfort me as He did on Saturday night. I felt God just wrapping His arms around me and telling me that He loved me and was with me and I was His child, and safe and secure! Glory to God, the Awesome Father, the Son who saves the world, and the Holy Spirit who is with us always.....Our God truly is awesome.

~Shannon