A Letter to Samantha

Samantha,

Hi, honey....Mommy knows that you are in heaven and that you now live with Jesus. What I'd want to tell you if I could that your Mommy and Daddy and all of your extended family miss you so much. Isabelle and Annabelle will never get to know you and for that I'm sad. When I cry, they lay with me. They also like to lay amidst your things on our living room coffee table. I would also want to tell you that you are a beautiful child of God. I'm also so glad that you have escaped some of the hardships of this life. But I would also tell you that I miss you so much, that at some times, my heart hurts so badly I think that I will die. And that is simply because I love you. Baby, you're mine...and someday we will be together. I would also tell you that I wouldn't trade our short time together for anything in the world. I'd do it all again, even knowing the pain...Because love is always greater.

I love you so much. Squeeze Jesus for me. He's my best friend too. For me, it feels like forever until I'll see you but from heaven's side, it will be in the blink of an eye. We'll be together soon. Love you, baby girl.

Love,
Mommy

I wonder...(By Shannon Schroeder)

I wonder... (By Shannon Schroeder)

I wonder what might have been
Had you lived not died
I wonder what would be different
Had you had been given some more time
I wonder what might have been
Had you had gotten a chance
I wonder what would be different
If you'd been here more than just a glance

What might have been
Could have made you a shining star
But reality set in
Wishing you weren't far
What might have been
What differences you'd make
But we trust the Lord
He gives and He takes
What might have been
Doesn't really matter now
You're in Jesus' arms
That's all that matters somehow

I wonder what is now
Living with our Lord
I wonder what is different
With life now restored
I wonder what is now
To have sure peace within
I wonder what is different
From the sinful world I'm in

What might have been
Could have made you a shining star
But reality set in
Sent you off so far
What might have been
What differences you'd make
But we trust the Lord
He gives and He takes
What might have been
Doesn't really matter now
You're in Jesus' arms
That's all that matters somehow

I wonder what someday will be
When you and I are face to face
I wonder what will be different
When I stand in the midst of grace
I wonder what someday will be
When tears no longer flow
I wonder what will be different
When only love and joy are what I know

What might have been
Could have made you a shining star
But reality set in
Sent you off so far
What might have been
What differences you'd make
But we trust the Lord
He gives and He takes
What might have been
Doesn't really matter now
You're in Jesus' arms
That's all that matters somehow

The Reason I Love You (by Shannon Schroeder)

The Reason I Love You (by Shannon Schroeder)

God knitted you in my body
Which led to knitting in my heart
And forever those stitches will hold
Even though we are apart

Oh, sweet baby, you were the apple of my eye
From the very start
So always and forever,
You'll be in my heart

The reason I love you
Is simply because you are mine
That can never change
Through any season or time
Baby, the reason I love you is
Because God gave you to me
And finally someday
Together we'll be

When I looked at your small frame
Saw your heartbeat
I could see the beginnings
Of hands and of feet
When I realized
You were inside
It changed all that I was
I couldn't go back if I tried

Oh, sweet baby, you were the apple of my eye
From the very start
So always and forever,
You'll be in my heart

The reason I love you
Is simply because you are mine
That can never change
Through any season or time
Baby, the reason I love you is
Because God gave you to me
And finally someday
Together we'll be

Someday there'll be a reunion so sweet
Where you and I will finally meet
Someday there'll be a reunion so sweet
Where you and I will finally meet

But until then....

The reason I love you
Is simply because you are mine
That can never change
Through any season or time
Baby, the reason I love you is
Because God gave you to me
And finally someday
Together we'll be

Why?

Why is today so hard? I'm having a hard time focusing on anything but Samantha today. I miss her.

Last night, I was running errands. As I parked my car, I looked outside and a little girl and her dad (I assume) were walking to their vehicle. This little girl had a blonde ponytail and she had a skip in her step. At one point, she looked at my car and she just locked eyes with me for a second and then she skipped off to her car. I broke down. I know that (this side of heaven) Samantha will never look me in the eye. I also loved the special way the little girl interacted with her dad. There was something about the way she moved her shoulders and smiled while she was responding to him. More than anything, I want to have that special relationship with Samantha.

I feel cheated.

And sad...so sad.

~Shannon