Until

Until you've had a miscarriage or lost a child yourself, you can never fully understand how badly the loss of your baby hurts. I had absolutely no idea that having a miscarriage was something so difficult to get through....

Don't get me wrong, each day gets a little easier, but it's still so hard. I have had my struggles in life. Oh, I have had plenty of downs but never anything like this. Chris agreed with me when I said this was the most difficult thing I had ever been through or that 'we' had been through. Total agreement there.

It hurts...there's no getting around it.

But God never wastes a hurt, right? I truly do believe that.

Waiting on you, Lord...

~Shannon

When a baby cries

When a baby cries....my heart stops. And I'm wishing it were mine. My Samantha. But she's in the arms of Jesus and not still inside of me. And I still feel cheated, wishing with all my heart that I could have the blessing of joyful ultrasounds and her tender kicks and being able to sing to her. It's really a struggle. I am trying so hard...........

My therapist J says that the baby crying aggravating me is normal...but it's still hard.

Today I feel like I am sliding back into the dark But I don't feel so dismal as I did at one point in time. At least this time, I believe and know that there is light on the other side of this dark tunnel.....

~Shannon

Bleeding and feeling crappy

So I am still bleeding.Quite heavily. I have never bled like this before. I feel pretty lousy too. I am attesting my dizziness and paleness to having to change my pad every hour and a half. I believe in Human Sexuality in college I learned that you should go in if your bleeding ends up needing a pad or tampon change every hour or less. I'm praying this doesn't get that bad. It's a terribly out of control feeling. Chris told me last night if it got much worse, I have to go in. My abdomen is now spasming ish.....I don't know how to explain it. I keep drinking glasses of water because I know when it looks like you are losing blood that you are also losing fluids so I am at least trying to control what I can. I hate doctors so I REALLY don't want to go in.

The only good thing about feeling lousy is that I don't have the energy to be emotionally wracked which is good. I am just really stressed and exhausted........

Shannon