33 weeks.
I am tired of being sick.
Today I threw up again unexpectedly. I have been averaging few hours of a sleep.
And then add to that a cold...yep a summertime cold. My throat hurts, my head hurts...and I can't breathe.
My body is tired.
Oh well.........
But then the baby kicks me and I remind myself that this will all be worth it...I love baby...we've had some good bonding in the past couple of days!
But by the time I am done here, I will have been pregnant for most of 16 months....with four different children. Talk about emotionally and physically draining, especially when three of those were losses resulting in physical shifts and mega emotional draining.....and all of them, with the current one being the longest, were marked with more than the average amount of nausea/vomiting, heartburn, and discomforts.
7 weeks to go.
Thank goodness I have the best husband in the world. He can read me when I feel guilty about not having energy to make dinner...and he becomes enthusiastic about taking care of me. I think we are both so relieved that this baby is doing well that it makes it possible to get through the discomforts!
And...our Preparing For Labor and Delivery course has started. We have three sessions left---had the first one this week. And it was wonderful! Who knew how intimate an experience it would be to go through childbirth together? Probably those who have done it...I didn't realize how intensely we would go through this together and I realize now that childbirth will tie us together even more...as well as parenting!! Wow....The things I learn.
Stressed emotionally....having some stress as we anticipate the one year loss of Samantha. It's hard because everything is coming back to me...and I keep having flashbacks of the ultrasound, the D&C, being at the hospital. They say that with anniversaries of losses, the time before it, leading up to the day of and the day of are often the hardest...so I know that this is typical. But it's still hard. She's be almost five months old. Five months. How much I have missed out on...and how much more I will miss.
And yet, we wouldn't have this baby...Our rainbow baby. We prayed God would give us a child we wouldn't have had otherwise....and it looks that He will. How can we question His will? He is so good.
But still the feelings are there...they are confusing.
~Shannon
