Dear Samantha

Dear Samantha,

Today your Mommy is having a happy day. I can think about you without crying and I consider that pure joy. But don't think that Mommy and Daddy don't miss you. We do. We talk about you every day. We share how much we love you and how much we miss you. Today I listened to Lonestar's song 'Not A Day Goes By' and I was reminded again that not a day has passed where you have not been on my mind and my heart. I love you so much.

Right now, we are praying for God to bring us your brother or sister. It makes me a little sad that you won't be here to play with them and grow up with them but we are trusting God's will. However, it is our full intent to raise them so they know Jesus Christ as their Savior and will be joining you someday in heaven. It'll be an awesome family reunion.

Today I think about how far along I would have been. Someone I know just had a baby. A beautiful little girl. I can't help but wonder what it would have been like to deliver you, hold you, and look into your eyes for the first time. I think people think that miscarriage makes it easier but I crave just one minute with you. Because I lose you so early, I have no tangible memories. That's the hardest part. I can't wait until I finally hold you.

Samantha, tell Jesus how much Mommy loves him! He's the best friend of all and He's even better than I am to be with. So while I miss you, I know that you are safe and secure.

I love you with all my heart and I always will.
~Mommy


Jesus, if you can share with Samantha, please do. Tell her we love her. It is pure joy that she was given to us even though her loss created sorrow. We wouldn't have had it any other way because we believe this is your will.
~Shannon

Distanced because I miscarried?

There is one person in my life that I am frustrated with. She's not one of my best friends. She's not part of our family. But she was one of my close friends and she is also pregnant. When we were both pregnant, it was great. Since I had the miscarriage, she's distanced herself from me. She's the only one who has done that. I can't decide if it's because she doesn't want my pain to contaminate her joy or if she doesn't want to her joy to increase my pain by talking to me. I'm not sure. The thing is two of my very best friends are pregnant and they have been fantastic about the whole thing. They have shared with me but also empathized with my pain and yet, I have been delighted and able to rejoice with them over the little people growing inside of them! What a blessing life is! Anyhow, I just thought about this today and I got a wee bit frustrated. I know, I know, you are probably thinking I shouldn't let it get to me....and I'm not! But I needed to vent and this is MY blog (lol) so I decided this was the place to do it.

~Shannon