This weekend is supposed to be celebratory. We are supposed to celebrate our anniversary tomorrow. We are supposed to celebrate an award Chris got at work by going to a very nice dinner hosted for the award winners by his place of employment. When we planned all this, it was a time of celebration. I was supposed to be 15 weeks pregnant. I would have been celebrating making it through my first trimester. I want to enjoy tomorrow but I don't know how to. I know Chris doesn't have expectations but I still feel like I want this to be special since we haven't celebrated and our anniversary was back in July. No, maybe that's not true. We had a very small and quick celebration in which we know that God gave us Samantha Peep. Maybe that's why now is so painful?
But the dinner on Saturday will be hardest. To be around lots of people I don't know is already difficult for me. But to have to be celebratory and happy. I am trying to remember that I am very proud of my husband because I am. I said to him the other night "Now the rest of the world knows what I already knew---how awesome you are!" I do feel that way but I'm sad too....because part of our family is gone.
~Shannon
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Interesting article
http://www.kyria.com/topics/hottopics/womensissues/9.42.html?start=2
This article is called Mourning a Miscarriage. I stumbled across it. While I don't agree with everything in it (mainly the part that says God said "no" to her having a baby....I don't necessary believe God just causes death. Sometimes these things just happen as a consequences of a sinful world. God is only good. He can use bad though for good but we must remember that he does not make bad happen.) it made me think.
~Shannon
This article is called Mourning a Miscarriage. I stumbled across it. While I don't agree with everything in it (mainly the part that says God said "no" to her having a baby....I don't necessary believe God just causes death. Sometimes these things just happen as a consequences of a sinful world. God is only good. He can use bad though for good but we must remember that he does not make bad happen.) it made me think.
~Shannon
Yearn for heaven?
Is it bad that right now I am yearning for heaven? I have always been heaven-bound and yearned to be there but these days my heart just desires it more and more. My dear friend Sarah Joy and I (in college days) used to have days where we just wanted to be in front of Jesus. Now that Samantha Peep awaits there, I only yearn more for heaven. Now don't get me wrong, I am not suicidal. God is the only one who decides life and death. But....I find myself praying more and more 'come quickly, Lord Jesus, come quickly.' If He returned today, I would be consumed with that eternal joy that I can only look forward to for now. Samantha Peep, baby, you've left me yearning heavenbound.
~Shannon
~Shannon
Grieve with hope
"Brothers, we do not want you to grieve like the rest of men,
who have no hope"
who have no hope"
(1 Thessalonians 4:13)
Tears for what should have been
I took a lunch break today. I never take a lunch break. Not because I am a workaholic but because my work is so laid back and very rarely do I spend long days here so it makes sense to skip the break and eat down here. But I left the lab and took a break because I was feeling it today. I don't know what it is. I called Chris and cried on my lunch break.
Tears for what should have been
And what is
Tears for what I wish for
And what is
Tears for what I would give
And what is
Tears are all that's left
I should have been almost 15 weeks pregnant today. I wish for Samantha Peep to be back inside of me and filled with life. And I would give almost anything in the world for our baby. Just when I think I am feeling better, I lose it all over again. Will I ever feel better? Lord, I want my baby. But if I can't have my baby, then please, please grant me healing.
~Shannon
Tears for what should have been
And what is
Tears for what I wish for
And what is
Tears for what I would give
And what is
Tears are all that's left
I should have been almost 15 weeks pregnant today. I wish for Samantha Peep to be back inside of me and filled with life. And I would give almost anything in the world for our baby. Just when I think I am feeling better, I lose it all over again. Will I ever feel better? Lord, I want my baby. But if I can't have my baby, then please, please grant me healing.
~Shannon
A mother's heart really hurts: First ultrasound memories
I'm really hurting right now. First of all, for the loss of our sweet baby. Second of all, because I'm hurting so badly because it was our baby we lost. Let me explain. I always imagined, envisioned, tried to think of what a mother's love and a mother's heart was like....but until you've been there, you can't even begin to imagine. I think I really fell in love with Samantha Peep when I saw her on the ultrasound image the first time I went in for bleeding. I was instantly enthralled by our tiny little flapping and kicking blob with a heartbeat. She was life. She was alive! Chris and I tightly gripped hands and beamed as the ultrasound technician said she saw a heartbeat and everything looked great. And we had loved our baby before, but that's when it made it real and we fell head over heels in love with this baby....and then we lost her. We had no clue that 5 weeks later we'd be in the same situation but with the opposite news and that our hearts could break with as much pain as they had felt joy. So now my mother's heart hurts...my heart is so tender....and I miss our baby, more than words can ever express. So much feels lost and I don't know where to go from here. This entire thing has given me more clarity than I've ever had but I can't have the one thing I want........I want my baby.
I read in one of the resources our pastor gave us that there can be no grief without love. Our grief is a tribute to the love we had for our baby. Well, I know I did love that baby a lot and I can certainly feel it now because my heart feels ripped at.
~Shannon
I read in one of the resources our pastor gave us that there can be no grief without love. Our grief is a tribute to the love we had for our baby. Well, I know I did love that baby a lot and I can certainly feel it now because my heart feels ripped at.
~Shannon
Hello, Goodbye by Michael W. Smith
Here is another song I found that I really like. It's called Hello, Goodbye by Michael W. Smith. It's for a baby named Noah. But other than the specificity of the name, I feel as though I can really relate to the lyrics. Here's a YouTube link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PoQlMmwH-Is
Hello, Goodbye (Michael W. Smith)
Hello, Goodbye (Michael W. Smith)
Where's the navigator of your destiny
Where is the dealer of this hand
Who can explain
Life and it's brevity
'Cause there is nothing here
That I can understand
You and I
Have barely met
And I just don't want to let go of you yet
Chorus: Noah, hello, good-bye
I'll see you on the other side
Noah, sweet child of mine
I'll see you on the other side
And so I hold your tiny hand in mine
For the hardest thing I've ever had to face
Heaven calls for you
Before it calls for me
When you get there save me a place
A place where I can share your smile
And I can hold you for more than just awhile
As I'm listening to it right now, watching this video I posted, I can't help but cry. My heart hurts and it doesn't feel like I will ever put this behind me.
~Shannon
Where is the dealer of this hand
Who can explain
Life and it's brevity
'Cause there is nothing here
That I can understand
You and I
Have barely met
And I just don't want to let go of you yet
Chorus: Noah, hello, good-bye
I'll see you on the other side
Noah, sweet child of mine
I'll see you on the other side
And so I hold your tiny hand in mine
For the hardest thing I've ever had to face
Heaven calls for you
Before it calls for me
When you get there save me a place
A place where I can share your smile
And I can hold you for more than just awhile
As I'm listening to it right now, watching this video I posted, I can't help but cry. My heart hurts and it doesn't feel like I will ever put this behind me.
~Shannon
George Canyon's My Name
As I have previously mentioned, I have been finding songs that make me feel better. Songs that talk about losing babies make me feel not all alone in this journey. One song I found was George Canyon's My Name.
Here's a link to a video on YouTube. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mMD7_KZz2iU
I picked this video because it's dedicated to a mom's two babies in heaven. Also, here's the words:
My Name (George Canyon)
It's cold in here
Feels like everything's upside down
I can feel you talkin'
But I can hardly make out the sound
And I've been kickin' around these parts
Feels like a year
And I'm going to change this world
If I ever get out of here
She wants to dress me in pink
Paints my bedroom blue
And I just laugh to myself
'Cause only I know the truth
This love is my only emotion
Haven't learned any fear, any shame
It's kind of funny with all this commotion
Guess they've got me to blame
They don't even know my name
They don't even know my name
Well, I've never felt so ready
Think it's finally time
Cause that big ol' world is waiting
And it's mine, all mine
Just then everything got real quiet
And it got real bright
And a man took my hand, said don't worry
Your Mama's going to be alright
Then he opened the gate
And I followed him in
Said you can wait right here
'Til it's your turn again
His love is the one true emotion
Heaven knows no fear, no shame
Never got to set my wheels in motion But they loved me just the same
They didn't even know my name
They didn't even know my name
You love me just the same
And you didn't even know my name
Samantha Peep, we loved you before we knew your name.
~Shannon
Here's a link to a video on YouTube. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mMD7_KZz2iU
I picked this video because it's dedicated to a mom's two babies in heaven. Also, here's the words:
My Name (George Canyon)
It's cold in here
Feels like everything's upside down
I can feel you talkin'
But I can hardly make out the sound
And I've been kickin' around these parts
Feels like a year
And I'm going to change this world
If I ever get out of here
She wants to dress me in pink
Paints my bedroom blue
And I just laugh to myself
'Cause only I know the truth
This love is my only emotion
Haven't learned any fear, any shame
It's kind of funny with all this commotion
Guess they've got me to blame
They don't even know my name
They don't even know my name
Well, I've never felt so ready
Think it's finally time
Cause that big ol' world is waiting
And it's mine, all mine
Just then everything got real quiet
And it got real bright
And a man took my hand, said don't worry
Your Mama's going to be alright
Then he opened the gate
And I followed him in
Said you can wait right here
'Til it's your turn again
His love is the one true emotion
Heaven knows no fear, no shame
Never got to set my wheels in motion But they loved me just the same
They didn't even know my name
They didn't even know my name
You love me just the same
And you didn't even know my name
Samantha Peep, we loved you before we knew your name.
~Shannon
The Bible talks about comfort
In the process of Biblegatewaying (is that a word?) my last passage, I ended up coming across tons of other passages on comfort. I thought I would compile my favorites and share. Why? Because reading these did indeed bring me comfort and I hope they comfort you too, in whatever your need is. These are all NIV (New International Version).
Psalm 23:4
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
Psalm 86:17
Give me a sign of your goodness, that my enemies may see it and be put to shame, for you, O Lord, have helped me and comforted me.
Psalm 119:50
My comfort in my suffering is this: Your promise preserves my life.
Psalm 119:76
May your unfailing love be my comfort, according to your promise to your servant.
Isaiah 12:1
In that day you will say: "I will praise you, O Lord. Although you were angry with me, your anger has turned away and you have comforted me."
Isaiah 49:13
Shout for joy, O heavens; rejoice, O earth; burst into song, O mountains! For the Lord comforts his people and will have compassion on his afflicted ones.
Isaiah 51:12a
"I, even I, am he who comforts you."
Isaiah 52:9
Burst into songs of joy together, you ruins of Jerusalemn, for the Lord has comforted his people, he has redeemed Jerusalem.
Isaiah 66:13a
As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you.
Jeremiah 8:18
O my Comforter in sorrow, my heart is faint within me.
Jeremiah 31:13
Then maidens will dance and be glad, young men and old as well. I will turn their mourning into gladness; I will give them comfort and joy instead of sorrow.
Jeremiah 31:15
This is what the Lord says: "A voice is heard in Ramah, mourning and great weeping, Rachel weeping for her children and refusing to be comforted, because her children are no more."
Lamentations 2:13
What can I say for you? With what can I compare you, O Daughter of Jerusalem? To what can I liken you, that I may comfort you, O Virgin Daughter of Zion? Your wound is as deep as the sea. Who can heal you?
Matthew 5:4
Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.
Luke 16:25
"But Abraham replied, 'Son, remember that in your lifetime you received your good things, while Lazarus received bad things, but now he is comforted here and you are in agony.'
John 14:1 (Jesus Comforts the Disciples)
"Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me."
2 Corinthians 1:3-5
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just at the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows.
There...now I have all of these words compiled here to remind me that God does comfort and He does care!
~Shannon
Psalm 23:4
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
Psalm 86:17
Give me a sign of your goodness, that my enemies may see it and be put to shame, for you, O Lord, have helped me and comforted me.
Psalm 119:50
My comfort in my suffering is this: Your promise preserves my life.
Psalm 119:76
May your unfailing love be my comfort, according to your promise to your servant.
Isaiah 12:1
In that day you will say: "I will praise you, O Lord. Although you were angry with me, your anger has turned away and you have comforted me."
Isaiah 49:13
Shout for joy, O heavens; rejoice, O earth; burst into song, O mountains! For the Lord comforts his people and will have compassion on his afflicted ones.
Isaiah 51:12a
"I, even I, am he who comforts you."
Isaiah 52:9
Burst into songs of joy together, you ruins of Jerusalemn, for the Lord has comforted his people, he has redeemed Jerusalem.
Isaiah 66:13a
As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you.
Jeremiah 8:18
O my Comforter in sorrow, my heart is faint within me.
Jeremiah 31:13
Then maidens will dance and be glad, young men and old as well. I will turn their mourning into gladness; I will give them comfort and joy instead of sorrow.
Jeremiah 31:15
This is what the Lord says: "A voice is heard in Ramah, mourning and great weeping, Rachel weeping for her children and refusing to be comforted, because her children are no more."
Lamentations 2:13
What can I say for you? With what can I compare you, O Daughter of Jerusalem? To what can I liken you, that I may comfort you, O Virgin Daughter of Zion? Your wound is as deep as the sea. Who can heal you?
Matthew 5:4
Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.
Luke 16:25
"But Abraham replied, 'Son, remember that in your lifetime you received your good things, while Lazarus received bad things, but now he is comforted here and you are in agony.'
John 14:1 (Jesus Comforts the Disciples)
"Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me."
2 Corinthians 1:3-5
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just at the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows.
There...now I have all of these words compiled here to remind me that God does comfort and He does care!
~Shannon
Last night's Bible reading
Last night's Bible reading was incredibly encouraging to me. It's always been one of my favorite passages but it especially touched my heart in this, the most difficult time of my life, because it reminds me that God uses everything for His glory!
The reading was:
The reading was:
2 Corinthians 1:3-5 (New International Version)
The God of All Comfort
3Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. 5For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows.
Quite simply, it reminded me that I will use this time of hurt I've been through to help someone else....and to glorify Him. Also....even though we are suffering (like Christ suffered), through Christ we are comforted and filled with joy!!! I also love where it calls God the Father of compassion. I believe that with all my heart to be true.....
~Shannon
Gravestone Reading
So contrary to what it might seem with my frequent posting these past two days, I am actually at work and doing work! I'm a quick typer and as thoughts come to me, they just pour out and then I continue on with my work. I have actually been more productive by clearing my head as thoughts pop in. Thank you, Lord, for a laid back work environment where my boss's only focus is on whether or not everything gets done and he could care less what we do the rest of the time.
Yesterday I wrote about how there is no closure, nothing left with a miscarriage. It is not like another death where you have a chance to grieve and look at mementos. For me, I felt it would be healthy to write a general gravestone heading and an obituary.
If I had been chosing the epitaph to put on a gravestone, I would have put her name as Samantha Peep Schroeder, July 11th, 2010-September 21, 2010, Beloved Child of God. There would have been a lamb engraved somewhere on the stone because we saw her as a lamb of God and wanted her to know the Lamb of God.
I feel like right now I have to insert that we would not have really made her middle name Peep had she been born and lived. Peep was simply Samantha's nickname before she was Samantha while she was growing inside of me because we likened Peep to being a little chick. For us, it gave us our own personal reference instead of using the generic baby reference. It made her very real to us. So now having lost her and not having the opportunity to actually meet her and name her, she is forever Samantha Peep.
For her obituary, things get more complicated...Perhaps I will continue to work on what I would have wanted that to say.
By the way, to all my new followers, friends or now blog acquaintances, thank you for reading. Really, thank you for listening. You are a blessing to me. I shared in response to my post "Two followers" that I felt validated by having readers, like what I have to say is worth sharing.
Yesterday I wrote about how there is no closure, nothing left with a miscarriage. It is not like another death where you have a chance to grieve and look at mementos. For me, I felt it would be healthy to write a general gravestone heading and an obituary.
If I had been chosing the epitaph to put on a gravestone, I would have put her name as Samantha Peep Schroeder, July 11th, 2010-September 21, 2010, Beloved Child of God. There would have been a lamb engraved somewhere on the stone because we saw her as a lamb of God and wanted her to know the Lamb of God.
I feel like right now I have to insert that we would not have really made her middle name Peep had she been born and lived. Peep was simply Samantha's nickname before she was Samantha while she was growing inside of me because we likened Peep to being a little chick. For us, it gave us our own personal reference instead of using the generic baby reference. It made her very real to us. So now having lost her and not having the opportunity to actually meet her and name her, she is forever Samantha Peep.
For her obituary, things get more complicated...Perhaps I will continue to work on what I would have wanted that to say.
By the way, to all my new followers, friends or now blog acquaintances, thank you for reading. Really, thank you for listening. You are a blessing to me. I shared in response to my post "Two followers" that I felt validated by having readers, like what I have to say is worth sharing.
A Better Way by Downhere
One of my dearest and bestest friends (thanks J.F.) reminded me of this awesome song called A Better Way. We used to listen to it while we were roommates at Concordia. That semester was fantastic. Anyhow, I haven't listened to it lately but it is refreshing to remember God's way is the best way possible. Also, it reminds me of all that God has gotten me through since I was a senior in college. He has never left me and He will get me through this hurt and this life. There was NO better way to say I love you than for Jesus to come and die and do what we couldn't do ourselves. So no matter what the circumstances are I remember that.
Here's a link to listen to it on YouTube. I have no idea how to upload videos or put things up here. If anyone has any idea, I'd love to know.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NegD8s3pUpw
A Better Way by Downhere
I'm not alone, I really believe
You never go, You never leave
Here and now, You always stay
“I love you” could not be said a better way
It's everything You've promised
There's no greater love than this
From prophets until today
A man laying down His life for His friends
Your sacrifice has spoken, You gave everything
And “I love you” could not be said
A better way
I am forgiven, I clearly see
It's why You came to do all you did for me
Trading earth with heaven, You took my place
“I love you” could not be said
A better way
Because You redeem, I know what's to come
Everything I could lose here, You've already won
So You have my surrender, with passion obey
“I love you” could not be said
A better way
Here's a link to listen to it on YouTube. I have no idea how to upload videos or put things up here. If anyone has any idea, I'd love to know.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NegD8s3pUpw
A Better Way by Downhere
I'm not alone, I really believe
You never go, You never leave
Here and now, You always stay
“I love you” could not be said a better way
It's everything You've promised
There's no greater love than this
From prophets until today
A man laying down His life for His friends
Your sacrifice has spoken, You gave everything
And “I love you” could not be said
A better way
I am forgiven, I clearly see
It's why You came to do all you did for me
Trading earth with heaven, You took my place
“I love you” could not be said
A better way
Because You redeem, I know what's to come
Everything I could lose here, You've already won
So You have my surrender, with passion obey
“I love you” could not be said
A better way
Nighttime is one of the hardest times
This morning was an adventure. I had to come into work earlier than normal which meant waking up earlier than normal.....which wouldn't be an issue except for the fact that taking a sleeping pill makes me extra groggy. Yes, I'm still taking Unisom. I had been taking it on and off, not being able to sleep at all while pregnant, and I still can't sleep. My doctor had told me Unisom was fine to take while pregnant (and I do believe him because others and studies agree) and that I could take it the whole pregnancy if needed because it was necessary that I sleep! Since I found out I miscarried, nighttime has not become any more of my friend. I'll explain.
The first night after the miscarriage was found out, I cried and cried. It was very frustrating because I couldn't take anything to sleep because I needed to be up early and at the hospital for the D&C. So I tossed and turned all night. The worst part of it all was waking up in the middle of the night crying or worse yet, not crying, then remembering what had happened as I put my hand to my abdomen, and then losing it all over again. My poor and sweet husband (Christopher) has no recollection of rolling over in his sleep, holding me close and kissing me while I wept. But he did, time and time again, throughout that night. By morning I was exhausted and keyed up about the D&C. But we got through it.
Since that night things have only gotten remotely better at nighttime. I think it's because it's hard to calm my mind down when I am laying in bed and also once my body has gotten even a slight amount of sleep, it's very difficult to convince it that I am still tired. I have tried a couple of times not taking anything and then I end up getting only three hours of sleep and being exhausted and extremely emotional by morning and throughout the day. So for now it seems I will need artificial sleep making things to make me rest. I guess it could be worse. There could be nothing that helps people with sleep so I'm not really complaining!
Anyhow, last night was rough too. It seems my tears have dried up a little but I am always on the verge of crying still. I am very quiet now and as most of you know, that's not me. Chris has been perplexed by this change in me to more serious, quiet, and contemplative. I have also been perplexed but am content with who I am in this phase. I know that I am still in a cocoon from everything that has happened and is going on around me and I just pray that God brings me to fruition as a butterfly! As we spent time together, there was that quietness. A bit of sorrow for me but also just silence. However when bedtime rolled around, the emotions welled up. Perhaps it's because there's no distractions at bedtime. Perhaps it's also because our nighttime devotions (given to us by our pastor) for parents of miscarried babies stir up my tender soul and emotions. I also would reckon that it's because so much of our excitement about Peep and our little baby spilled into right before bed. We would use cocoa butter on my body each night and that was a bonding experience for us. We would talk about our baby and our hopes, dreams, and prayers. We shared our fears and concerns. Now all of that is gone and bedtime is a place where we share our days again and we feel so empty. Anyhow, I was quiet and trying to doze off and then the tears came. Not in sobs but a steady stream of almost silent tears that felt as though they came straight from my heart. Chris held me as I cried and then...that was it. I fell asleep in quiet personal prayer asking God to hold me.
My prayer is that eventually nighttime becomes a joyful and peaceful time again.
~Shannon
The first night after the miscarriage was found out, I cried and cried. It was very frustrating because I couldn't take anything to sleep because I needed to be up early and at the hospital for the D&C. So I tossed and turned all night. The worst part of it all was waking up in the middle of the night crying or worse yet, not crying, then remembering what had happened as I put my hand to my abdomen, and then losing it all over again. My poor and sweet husband (Christopher) has no recollection of rolling over in his sleep, holding me close and kissing me while I wept. But he did, time and time again, throughout that night. By morning I was exhausted and keyed up about the D&C. But we got through it.
Since that night things have only gotten remotely better at nighttime. I think it's because it's hard to calm my mind down when I am laying in bed and also once my body has gotten even a slight amount of sleep, it's very difficult to convince it that I am still tired. I have tried a couple of times not taking anything and then I end up getting only three hours of sleep and being exhausted and extremely emotional by morning and throughout the day. So for now it seems I will need artificial sleep making things to make me rest. I guess it could be worse. There could be nothing that helps people with sleep so I'm not really complaining!
Anyhow, last night was rough too. It seems my tears have dried up a little but I am always on the verge of crying still. I am very quiet now and as most of you know, that's not me. Chris has been perplexed by this change in me to more serious, quiet, and contemplative. I have also been perplexed but am content with who I am in this phase. I know that I am still in a cocoon from everything that has happened and is going on around me and I just pray that God brings me to fruition as a butterfly! As we spent time together, there was that quietness. A bit of sorrow for me but also just silence. However when bedtime rolled around, the emotions welled up. Perhaps it's because there's no distractions at bedtime. Perhaps it's also because our nighttime devotions (given to us by our pastor) for parents of miscarried babies stir up my tender soul and emotions. I also would reckon that it's because so much of our excitement about Peep and our little baby spilled into right before bed. We would use cocoa butter on my body each night and that was a bonding experience for us. We would talk about our baby and our hopes, dreams, and prayers. We shared our fears and concerns. Now all of that is gone and bedtime is a place where we share our days again and we feel so empty. Anyhow, I was quiet and trying to doze off and then the tears came. Not in sobs but a steady stream of almost silent tears that felt as though they came straight from my heart. Chris held me as I cried and then...that was it. I fell asleep in quiet personal prayer asking God to hold me.
My prayer is that eventually nighttime becomes a joyful and peaceful time again.
~Shannon
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