pregnancy update

I am almost eleven and a half weeks pregnant.

I have heard the heartbeat on the Doppler in the office.

We've seen the baby on ultrasound.

We've been purchasing little things here and there, as well as pulling out 'hand me downs' from our other babies.

I've had tinges of spotting but nothing abnormal and all has been confirmed to be well.

I am almost done with the first trimester.

My due date is October 18th.

We haven't really accepted that this one might work out yet. In time, we will. I think we are still a little shell shocked.

That's a heads up.

~Shannon

Rejoicing in this pregnancy and grieving Samantha

I have been avoiding writing and actually avoiding talking with people. J wants me to reach out and connect with people but I don't know if I want to do that. I am struggling. I am rejoicing and filled with joy and delight in my heart at this our fourth pregnancy, which is going well, and yet....I am filled with pain...and a great disappointment. Why?

Samantha's due date would be this Sunday, April 3rd. It's breaking my heart. I feel that the whole month of April will be difficult. I am wondering would I have come late or early on my own? Would Samantha have been induced? Would my labor have been long? What would have her cry sounded like? And most of all, what would it have been to look into her precious eyes and hold her in our arms? To pray and rejoice over her...

It's not fair.

But then again...life's not fair. We are the ones who messed it up with sin. I get that. I also know that Samantha is with Jesus and Noah and Dominic. I get that. But it doesn't make it hurt less...

Plus I'm probably very much more (is that correct grammar? no!) emotional because I am pregnant....

And it looks like Sprout might turn out to be our rainbow baby. Just maybe this is the Lord's plan and timing for us to bring a child home.

But I don't understand it. I'm not angry at God. I'm really not.

I'm just so sad and confused....

and not sure how to reach out and who gets it.

~Shannon

Blessings by Laura Story

We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family
Protection while we sleep
We pray for healing
Prosperity
We pray for your mighty hand
To ease our suffering
All the while
You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much
To give us lesser things

'Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops
What if your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
are what it takes to know you're near?
What if trials of this life
Are your mercies in disguise?

We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
We cry in anger
When we can not feel you near
We doubt your goodness
We doubt your love
As if every promise from your Word
is not enough
And all the while, you hear each desperate plea
If only we'd have faith to believe

'Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops
What if your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
are what it takes to know you're near?
What if trials of this life
Are your mercies in disguise?

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know
The pain reminds this heart
That this is not
This is not our home

It's not our home

'Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops
What if your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
are what it takes to know you're near?
What if my greatest disappointments
or the aching of this life
is the revealing of a greater thirst
this world can't satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights,
Are your mercies in disguise?


Thank you, Laura Story, for this beautiful song. For reminding us that this world will never satisfy.