right now..........

I am sliding
Sliding
Sliding into
a deep pit

and I know that I
will eventually
eventually
climb out of it

But right now
I can't stop
can't stop
the fall

The darkness
surrounds me
surrounds me
Surrounds all

Can't handle life

I feel like I can't handle life right now. I was really looking forward to wedding dress shopping with H but the bridal shop we were going to rescheduled. Now, this is no one's fault...but I am still extremely frustrated. That makes me frustrated with myself!!!!! Do you know what it is like to be frustrated with yourself and be stuck inside of your own skin? It is horrible....

I feel so rigid suddenly...and so fragile. Like anything might set me off...and I am irritated with myself for feeling this way. I just was like ready to face the day....I had a plan and I was going to be distracted but....now I have no plan...

I feel like I'm fourteen again....so emotionally unstable and confused about the unpredictable world I am living in.

Feelings are just feelings, Shannon. That's what my head says...but MY HEART IS SCREAMING TOTALLY DIFFERENT THINGS.

That's about it.
~Shannon

Goodbye, Baby

We lost baby.

We had already lost baby.

Apparently my bleeding is just my body's funeral to baby. Sorry if that sounds morbid. It's easier and better for me to spit these thoughts out in words on my blog than it is for me to keep them in my head.

Baby Noah.

Noah 'Bug'......We think this one was a little boy too....It's all we can go on.

We are going to figure this out now.

I just hope that this isn't hopeless and that there aren't any answers for me............

So frustrated.....

but more than anything, sad.

~Shannon