fears

I fear that Samantha is the only child I will ever have.

There, I said it...that's one of my biggest fears.

I fear I will miscarry again or lose a baby shortly after birth.

It feels good to get it out of my head.

Shannon

Anxiety To The Max

I didn't take any sleep meds last night. Well, that's not true. I did take one Benadryl. It was an adventure for me because that only lasted until 1:30 AM so from then on until 6:30 AM when I finally got out of bed, I was a tensed up anxious ball. I was really keyed up. I feel like I'm about to go over the edge.......I was worried about things with my job (the things that I've messed up on lately) and about some other personal things. Chris gave me permission to quit my job which said a lot. He told me I was more important than my job and if it was that stressful for me that it wasn't healthy and maybe I shouldn't keep doing. The problem is that I don't really want to quit. Financially, we'd be tight, but could live on his salary but I don't want to do that if we don't have to. I just want to be pregnant and be a mom...and have a job I love. My first job was okay and this one is good...BUT not great. I have no passion for it. I think it is time for me to branch out. But then I don't know...because if I am or if I get pregnant, I will wish I stayed here because my boss will be so flexible. Plus I'd feel guilty getting pregnant after taking a new job and might not get maternity coverage. Hmmmm...things to think about.

Shannon