I feel very alone in this miscarriage, not being pregnant thing....A few of my friends are or might be pregnant or are trying....and I feel like an outcast. Because of the miscarriage. I never felt like an outcast before the miscarriage. I just hadn't been pregnant. I was certainly never planning on miscarrying. I don't know if all those feelings make sense but they are what they are.
I can't believe how much I can miss my little baby. It is just so hard for me to know that I should be almost 19 weeks along.....
Just when I take a step forward, I take one back...and I get sad all over again. I know that part of it is my hormones, part of it is the season (I get S.A.D) and that part of it is the holidays upcoming, and of course, the big part of it as my therapist J would say is that I lost my child. It's not easy to deal with that.
Shannon
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Life Update
So...here's the status on my life. :)
I had a fantastic weekend with my dear friend EEJ. She is such a blessing to me. We shopped on Saturday morning and went exploring on boulders and rocks and hiking-ish around some waterfalls a couple hours south of us. Then we rode our local streetcar. Sunday, we went to church and then we carved pumpkins before EE had to leave. I miss her already.
She really blessed me in one aspect particularly. She cross-stitched a sunflower with Samantha's name above it. She left it up to us whether to frame it or use it as a bookmark. I will most definitely be framing it and will always remember our daughter when we look at it. Thank you, EE, for loving Samantha. You have truly blessed me. When I said I missed Samantha this weekend (which I was totally comfortable to say around my dear friend) she simply said that she missed her niece too. I am so blessed to have two biological sisters whom I adore, two sister in laws that I am so glad to count as family now, and five friends from college who are as close as any sister and I credit that to us being Christian sisters through the blood of Christ.
Yesterday, I had a meltdown. I'm struggling with not being angry. But sometimes it's hard. I had a period so I know that I am not currently pregnant and I think that really upset me. The holidays are coming up and we all know (we meaning those who understand this) how difficult they can be when there are emotional and family struggles. My heart just hurts.....I want Samantha back so badly.
That's about all for right now...more to come later.
~Shannon
I had a fantastic weekend with my dear friend EEJ. She is such a blessing to me. We shopped on Saturday morning and went exploring on boulders and rocks and hiking-ish around some waterfalls a couple hours south of us. Then we rode our local streetcar. Sunday, we went to church and then we carved pumpkins before EE had to leave. I miss her already.
She really blessed me in one aspect particularly. She cross-stitched a sunflower with Samantha's name above it. She left it up to us whether to frame it or use it as a bookmark. I will most definitely be framing it and will always remember our daughter when we look at it. Thank you, EE, for loving Samantha. You have truly blessed me. When I said I missed Samantha this weekend (which I was totally comfortable to say around my dear friend) she simply said that she missed her niece too. I am so blessed to have two biological sisters whom I adore, two sister in laws that I am so glad to count as family now, and five friends from college who are as close as any sister and I credit that to us being Christian sisters through the blood of Christ.
Yesterday, I had a meltdown. I'm struggling with not being angry. But sometimes it's hard. I had a period so I know that I am not currently pregnant and I think that really upset me. The holidays are coming up and we all know (we meaning those who understand this) how difficult they can be when there are emotional and family struggles. My heart just hurts.....I want Samantha back so badly.
That's about all for right now...more to come later.
~Shannon
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