God loves Samantha Peep most

One of the areas I have been struggling with the most is trusting Samantha Peep into God's care. I had a meltdown last week. I said to Chris "How do I know that Samantha Peep is with Jesus?" He said "She's with Jesus. Trust me." But I couldn't leave it at that. We had set up a meeting with one of our pastors to process and talk about everything that happened. This pastor has been such a blessing in our lives, having seen us through pre-marital discussions and struggles, marital struggles and conflicts, and personal ups and downs. He offered to meet with us to let us process and we decided to go ahead and do that.

One of our pastors had given us some resources the first Sunday after the miscarriage had occurred. One of the books was called I'll Hold You In Heaven and while it was helpful for me in validating that our baby was truly a baby (not just a mass of cells) and also that our baby had spiritual value (a soul) it was sorely lacking in some other areas. Being that we are LCMS Lutherans, we believe (we know this to be true!) that we are sinful by nature whereas this book said that babies were with God because they hadn't transgressed against God. We knew that was not true. Some friends shared that our sweet Samantha Peep was covered under our baptisms/faith until the eighth day of birth. Our hearts and arms especially felt empty because we did not get to bring our child to the waters of baptism, something that we hold dear and near to our heart in the Lutheran church. We read elsewhere that baptism is not necessary for salvation. God uses His sacraments as means of grace but that He (being limitless) is not limited to those means.

Anyhow, fast forward ahead to our meeting. As we dialogued with our pastor, I shared my fears and questions about Samantha's salvation. I wanted him to give me hard core, certain answers. Instead, I got an honest and realistic answer. First, he agreed in saying that sinful by nature would be sinful at conception. Then he said firstly that we had exposed our baby to salvation through our prayers for her, our nightly devotions, and worship. Having said that, secondly, the Holy Spirit can certainly work in babies! That's why we believe in infant baptism. He also reminded us that the thief on the cross that Jesus said "Today, you will be with me in paradise." to was likely not baptized while there on the cross and yet faith=salvation. So since babies could be saved through faith with the help of the Holy Spirit, we needed to trust in our Heavenly Father's grace, mercy, and love. I was upset at first because this was not a solid YES or NO answer but then I realized that it was the real answer. I teared up at one point because there was no solid yes. I shared that I felt as though I should assume that Samantha was in hell because I didn't have a certain yes that she was in heaven. The pastor reminded me that none of us can never know, never have a certainty, what the standing of another person's soul is. It is only God who can see the heart and soul and only He who knows and can judge. When I was reminded of that, I was washed with a wave of peace. I was reminded that God loved and does love Samantha even more (WAY more) than Chris and I were or ever will be able to. He has no desire that she should perish. And as the Holy Spirit gave me peace, I was blessed with the realization and likelihood that all that Samantha would have known would have been God's goodness and grace. She likely escaped many of the temptations that so often cause us to go astray in this world. The Bible and Jesus (more than once) talk about having faith like a little child. I really feel as though because the older we get, the more complicated and the more tempted we are to go astray, rather than just believe. As I processed with Chris and our pastor, I was filled with the peace and the expectant hope that Samantha Peep is indeed with Jesus and that one day we will be together forever and we will hold her in heaven.

Anyhow, I have to be reminded daily that God loves Samantha more than we ever could. When I feel as though the person I loved the most (along with my husband) has been ripped away and I can't understand how God could take someone I love so much....I remember that He loved her first and that He loves her most, and that He also loves me...more than I can ever imagine.

Thank you, Lord, for your patience with me...Your ways are far better than mine.

~Shannon