I miss talking to you, Samantha

Dear Samantha,

I'm writing you a letter because I miss you so much. And one of the things that I miss the most is talking to you. We used to tease you (not that you probably understood) and I would say "I love you, Peep!" And things like "Isabelle can't wait to meet you, Peep." And I used to make this squeaky voice to say "Daddy, I love you too!" I'd pretend to be you. But now there's none of that. Because, Samantha Peep, sweetheart, now you live with Jesus and are carried in our hearts instead of growing in my body.

I miss all the talks we might have had. I had so many dreams and so many hopes for your life, sweet girl. I told your Daddy while I was pregnant with you that I intended to be the best mom in the world! I wanted to read the books that you wanted to read (even when you were only seven years old!) and then go on book club dates and talk about them. I wanted to make jewelry with you. Teach you to sing and make music together. I wanted to dance with you. See you off to your first formal dance in high school. I wanted you to get married and have your own babies. Then you'd finally know how much I loved you. I would have done anything for you, Samantha. You had me wrapped around your little finger from the moment I saw your heartbeat.

I miss you so much, baby girl. I miss the baby days. I was so looking forward to bonding with you over breastfeeding, rejoicing over your first steps, sharing you with family and friends, and now there's just a lot of emptiness. What was so joyful feels so empty. Your bedroom sits untouched with a pile of baby clothes that you will never wear. My arms and my heart ache to hold you. To feel you fluttering in me--an experience I never had. I miss you so much, Samantha Peep.

Love,
Mommy