Beauty for Ashes

Isaiah 61: 1-3 He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners,to proclaim the year of the LORD’s favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion—to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor.

Tell me how beautiful those words are and what comfort they bring. Today I was captivated by the phrase 'beauty from ashes.' I knew that it was Biblical but yet was not certain as to where it came from in the Bible. After finding these words, written by the prophet Isaiah, I was so comforted and the Lord blessed me with His peace which surpasses all understanding. How awesome our God is! Let me tell what I've learned.

Let's start with binding up the brokenhearted, proclaiming freedom, and restoring light where there is darkness. Being one who has suffered with brokenheartedness many times in my life, I am blessed to know that God can bind that pain and suffering in the awesome work of Jesus and with His power. He can take away that brokenness and when he does, He grants us true freedom and transforms our darkness into pure light. Since losing sweet Samantha, I have begun to find true healing. There is still sadness but there is also joy and peace underneath it all. I believe that is more than okay. God allows us to be human and to feel emotions. Since we were meant to live in a perfect world, I believe grieving and sadness remind us of what we should have had and because of sin, do not yet have. After my miscarriage, there was truly darkness surrounding me. I couldn't hear the voice of Jesus but yet I felt the presence of the Holy Spirit in the silence and I knew God had not abandoned me. He was just there, His silent presence comforting me more than words probably could have because sometimes we don't get answers (or we don't get them until later) no matter how much we ask for them. Seven weeks later, I now know that I was in a dark fog after the miscarriage and I believe that fog is finally gone. The fact that I now realize how dark I felt after the miscarriage shows that I am outside of that darkness. For while I was inside, I had no idea what I was trapped in. It distorted my perceptions and my views. But now, I can see clearly again.

Comforting those who mourn, providing for those who grieve...that is the next section of Isaiah that blesses my heart. I have been so blessed with my Father's provision these  past few months and it reminds me that actually I have been provided for my whole life. God has never given me more than I can bear and He has been there every step of the way. In that provision, He has also blessed with me with numerous comforters and many of wise counsel. I am so blessed to have family, friends, family in Christ, and a wonderful system of pastors, my counselor, and wonderful doctors to carry me through this miscarriage. God has blessed me. So many people have shared their personal stories with me and it has truly blessed me.

Beauty for ashes. That's truly the phrase that captivated me the most. God will not only take Samantha and simply make me feel better someday. No, He will use her life and my experience to bring a beautiful testimony to His glory and to His name. I am content to sit back and wait for the beauty to emerge from the ashes. When I think of an image that illustrates this concept, I am drawn back to one of my favorite movies, The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe from the Chronicles of Narnia. When young Lucy ends up in Narnia for the first time, she is drawn in by a fawn named Mr. Tumnus. She goes to his home. He plays a musical instrument while she is drinking tea and the music seems to bring little joyful dancing creatures to life in the fireplace. For me, I believe that is how life will be. There is a fire and there are ashes and right now it's painfully hot and the ashes are not pretty but when I least expect it, the ashes will be sculpted into something so beautiful and there will joyful dancing coming from the flames of my life. I hope (from an expectational standpoint) for this to come and trust that it will.

The last thing that drastically impacts me is the part where it says they will be oaks of righteousness. An oak tree is one of the strongest, most solid, trees there is in a forest. That shows me that God will strengthen me. That I will be refined in fire like silver is to remove my impurities. He will clothe me with His righteousness and make me strong. My strength will be unwavering because it comes from the Lord. How wonderful is that?

I am content to trust you, Lord. I wait upon your perfect timing and in your perfect will.

~Shannon