What's this about?

I am Shannon and my husband is Chris. This is a place to share and process struggles related to miscarriages, eating disorders, and Shannon's struggle with sexual abuse. We have found that joy, exempt of Christ, is often bittersweet in this life. We look forward to heaven where sweetness will abound and bitterness will be gone.







Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Feeling lifeless and purposeless

I was doing okay. Then about ten minutes ago I felt myself starting to slide into a funk. When I was with family and friends over this whole break, I felt loved and like maybe my life had an impact on someone else's life....but now I am back at work and I feel purposeless. Which leads to me feeling lifeless. Like I have no energy, joy, or vitality.

I feel like maybe I shouldn't have said anything about the 'incident'....I don't think I fully understood the impact it would have and maybe I should have waited until I was better prepared. I wasn't ready for my parents to call and say that they talked to 'him' but it is what it is. I am not writing this because I'm mad at anyone or anything...it's merely circumstantial frustration. Well, I might be angry at him because he did this to me which did this to us. Also, I am frustrated because another family member seems to be pushing me away. I don't know if they think I made this up or what. I did not make this up. I merely finally told because I got the courage to open my mouth and say something. J thinks it was because I was pregnant and had been thinking about keeping our children safe.

I AM SO FRUSTRATED AND FEELING OUT OF CONTROL RIGHT NOW AND IT MAKES ME WANT TO DO SOMETHING BAD.

But I will sit, breathe, close my eyes, and whisper a prayer, and hope for that peace that surpasses all understanding.

Please just love me right now. That is what I need most of all. I am feeling alone.

~Shannon
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3 comments:

  1. RachelJanuary 4, 2011 at 7:25 PM

    Have you been to blogher.com? I really think you could help a lot of other women by sharing your blog, if you were comfortable with going that public. You're not the only one out there dealing with it and you have such a great way of putting it into words.
    Also, your honesty about everything always serves as a reminder to me to do the same.

    ReplyDelete
  2. MakayaJanuary 4, 2011 at 8:35 PM

    I am praying for you Shannon. I do not know of this "incident" at all, but whatever it may be...God is taking it from you. Let God take the burdens away and live in peace. God will grant you peace only if you're willing to let Him.
    I'll be praying for you. I love you, Shannon. You're a wonderful blessing to everyone you have shared your life with, especially to the God that loves you so much.
    Remember that.
    <3
    Mak

    ReplyDelete
  3. UsJanuary 5, 2011 at 2:53 PM

    Mak and Rachel,

    Thanks for your responses.

    Rachel, I'll look into blogher....it is my hope by sharing that someone else is helped!

    Shannon

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