What's this about?

I am Shannon and my husband is Chris. This is a place to share and process struggles related to miscarriages, eating disorders, and Shannon's struggle with sexual abuse. We have found that joy, exempt of Christ, is often bittersweet in this life. We look forward to heaven where sweetness will abound and bitterness will be gone.







Wednesday, February 2, 2011

What I Don't Want To Be

It seems like so many time we ask ourselves who we are. We ask ourselves who we want to be. I feel like there is so much there that I am but I also feel that what hinders me is focusing on the things that I don't want to be. What don't I want to be? I'll tell you.

I don't want to be a number. Specifically, I don't want to be a size, a weight number, a number of inches. I don't even want to be a BMI or a percentile. I don't like numbers to describe people. I don't want to be a rating of hotness. I don't want to be a number

What else don't I want to be? I most definitely don't want to be fake. I want to be real. I don't want to be fake smiles and facades. Don't tell me to pretend to be happy or act happy when I am not. Instead, find me real and genuine happiness. No, don't find it for me. Help me to find lasting joy. Being fake is something I have struggled with.

I don't want to be ugly. I suppose you could also turn that around and say that I want to be beautiful. Gorgeous. Lovely. Pretty. I don't feel that I am any of those things. I just can't see it. When I look into the mirror I can't see who I am. And at the same time, if you think I am beautiful, I don't want to be just a pretty face. I want to be a person.

Sometimes I have to confess I don't even want to be me...but I am learning to accept that I am me and that it's okay to be me.

That's what I don't want to be. I guess you can see my fears. And...underneath it all, you can see what it is I do want to be.

~Shannon
Posted by at

4 comments:

  1. DebbieFebruary 2, 2011 at 2:34 PM

    Amen, Shannon. You put into words what every woman feels on a daily basis. But remember what Psalms 139:14 says!
    <3

    ReplyDelete
  2. AnonymousFebruary 2, 2011 at 4:16 PM

    Who cares about numbers but...Shannon, you're my #1 sister-in-law <3

    ReplyDelete
  3. Sarah JoyFebruary 2, 2011 at 11:04 PM

    tee-hee, I like the #1 sister-in-law comment. :)
    I was watching Veggie Tales "Sweet Pea" today - have you seen that one?? and it reminded me of you. It's all about how beauty is on the inside - and how you are beautiful because GOD MADE YOU THAT WAY. Also at the end was a song by I believe Nicole Nordeman that I think you would like if you haven't heard it already.... don't remember what it was tho!

    love you!

    ReplyDelete
  4. UsFebruary 4, 2011 at 10:51 AM

    Thank you, Debbie, Heather, Sarah, for your comments. Thank you, Debbie, for sharing that verse. Heather, I adore you! You're such a blessing to me and I love you. Sarah, thanks for the suggestion..I am so going to check out the Sweet Pea video. Love ya all....

    S

    ReplyDelete

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)