A lot of rambling thoughts

So I realize it's been awhile since I've written but..here goes...

I have a lot of rambling thoughts.....Bear with me while I just simply find a way to express them.


Thought 1:

I am testy lately. I'm sure it's because I am pregnant but there's no way to know for sure. But...I HATE WHEN PEOPLE GIVE ME ADVICE OR TELL ME WHAT TO DO WHEN I'M NOT ASKING FOR IT.

I think the reason I hate that so much is because I'm the kind of person who will ask for advice. I will call and say is this normal? OR HOW DO YOU THINK WE SHOULD PROCEED?

SO IF I don't ask for your opinion, don't give it to me!!

OKAY?? GRRRR........Chris and I both had issues with a certain person lately whom we feel like has tried to be too controlling. We will be distancing ourselves a little, in order to preserve our identity and not be influenced in our decisions......SIGH !!!

Thought 2:

Another thing that is frustrating to me is the sexual situation within my extended family. I felt as FIRST that everyone was supportive and NOW I FEEL LIKE EVERYONE JUST WANTS to pretend it DIDN'T HAPPEN and we just HAVE TO ON like nothing EVER happened. YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO ANYTHING!!! Nothing!

I'm the one who got screwed over...I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG! The other thing that frustrates me is that by telling someone sooner, I DOUBT IT would have made a difference. Seeing the reaction now has been frustrating for me...because it's just easier to not think about it because it makes us uncomfortable...doesn't it? SIGH!

Also, I STILL DON'T know what to do about future family gatherings. I DO feel better that I shared what happened...now knowng that our future children are safe BUT...the route that was taken to deal with it was one that did not treat me as an adult and gave me no control over the situation!!!

ANYHOW, that's still a sensitive topic. NEXT appointment with J, we'll discuss that.

Thought 3:

Also, I am FRUSTRATED that I feel like there are certain people in our lives who are aware of certain sitautions with other people and ARE IN DENIAL!!! That drives me insane. What drives me crazier is the fact that you might put someone else at risk...by being in denial. The issue isn't not knowing. No the ISSUE IS WANTING TO LIVE IN AN UNREALISTIC world where eveything GOES THE WAY you plan it!

GRRR....I REALIZE I HAVE no CONTROL over this situation but STILL..it gets under my skin....

Thought 4:

I am almost eight weeks pregnant! This is exciting, right? ALSO TERRIFYING! AND ALSO HEARTWRENCHING. I MISS THE OTHER BABIES. SOME PEOPLE JUST CAN'T GRASP THAT. I CAN'T BE AROUND THOSE PEOPLE MUCH.

Also, THIS IS OUR BABY. Ultimately, we believe THIS CHILD BELONGS TO GOD BUT God is loaning this baby TO US. NOT TO YOU! So DON'T TELL ME OR TELL US WHAT YOU think we should do about THIS OR THAT unless we ask. I DON'T TELL YOU WHAT I THINK ABOUT YOUR PARENTING EVEN THOUGH SOMETIMES I think it's terrible and so I'D APPRECIATE IT IF YOU WOULD KEEP YOUR THOUGHTS TO YOURSELF. This ties back in with thought NUMBER 1.

Thought 5:

I HATE being yelled at. I CAN'T HANDLE BEING YELLED AT. And again, I'm sure part of this is that I'm pregnant and HYPERSENSITIVE. i WILLLLLL ADMIT THAT! but don't yell at me.......at all. It's rude and uncalled for. AT LEAST HAVE THE DECENCY TO TALK TO ME NICELY.

Thought 6:

Do YOU EVER NOT FEEL SORRY FOR SOMEONE whom you don't feel will help themself out? LIKE YOU TALK TO THEM...you give them resources...you offer help...they ask for your help, you give it and then they are like I DON'T WANT TO CHANGE. it is too hard!

WHAT??? THAT'S CRAP!

I know I PROBABLY SOUND TERRIBLY INSENSITIVE...I just get frustrated by people who keep making bad decisions and it's only a matter of time before they get the consequences....RIDICULOUS...because it's not like they have an excuse if they were offered help.

Thought 7:

I love this baby. I REALIZE that I would and will do anything for this child. I am starting to think like a mom. I am trying to think about what's best for our little Sprout.

Thought 8:

Getting on the scale IS NOT AN option! NOPE! NOPE! NOPE!
The OBGYN PEEPS gave me a bit of a hard time again but.......they still agreed to treat me! They just are like 'it's important' and I'M LIKE I'M SURE IT IS! BUT you're going to have to adapt FOR A ONE PERSON SITUATION. i AM not asking yoU TO CHANGE YOUR ENTIRE protocol and way of doing things! JEEPERSSSS!

J says that there have been pregnancies that have happened w/o PEOPLE GETTING ON THE SCALE. HAHAHAAHA...and healthy babies are born!

I KNOW THAT I WILL BE A BETTER MOM AND TAKE BETTER CARE OF THIS BABY IF I DON'T get on the scale!

Thought 9:

So reaaaddddy for SPRING! It has been sunny here which is great but still has been chilly..I CAN'T WAIT!! My SAD is flaring up because even though it's sunny, I feel that it's too cold to be outside much!
After this first trimester too, I'M GOING TO WANT TO TAKE WALKS AND JUST ENJOY CREATION!!!

Thought 10:

WHY OH WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN? I KNOW WHY...so why do I ask why? A family member has been diagnosed with a cancer that is very rare...IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE. She's a great Christian girl and I DON'T GET IT! SEEEEEMMMMSSSSS LIKE THERE'S SO MUCH PURPOSE for her life and IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE...

BUT we'll conclude on

Thought 11:

God is good.
He is love.
He knows best.
He keeps His promises.
He is faithful.
He is trustworthy.
He is better than we are.
His ways are not our ways.
And
God is good.

~Shannon