Mother's Day

Mother's Day was hard. I didn't comment on it before. I kind of just let it sneak up on me. Yesterday, I cried on and off....I called my best friend, B, and shared a little of how I was feeling and then when Chris came home from work...I cried on his shoulder. He reassured me that it was okay to cry and be sad every once in awhile. I didn't let it consume me so that's good. I'm learning to take care of myself. For example, yesterday, I knew it was going to be hard so I didn't make plans. Yes, sometimes plans are good. But I took the time to paint both my fingernails and toenails a lovely shade of summery pink. I laid out on our deck and read a novel. I enjoyed eating fresh fruit and bought a maternity shirt at the mall. I had a couple of nice phone calls, snuggled with my cats, and reflected on God's goodness. It was a day filled with little blessings and God's grace was sufficient to get me through.

Saturday night, Chris and I had gone to church...since he had to work on Sunday. As I skimmed through our bulletin at the beginning of the service, I was a little emotional. There was a Mother's Day prayer that all moms were supposed to speak. I felt overwhelmed. Was I a mom? I know in my heart I am...but I didn't want to overstep my bounds and weird out the people around me. If Samantha had been born, she'd already be here....but she's not. Dominic and Noah are in heaven. And Sprout's still inside of me. Talk about confusion. Chris, oh dear sweet husband he is, said to me that yes, I was a mom, and yes, I should say the prayer. No ifs, ands, or buts. Okay, but I still felt funny. Then our pastor, during the offering, came over to me and asked if I would start the Mother's Day prayer. I cried and then said yes. Then he announced that I would be leading, as the newest mom amongst them, and that the other mom should join in with me. They did and that was really special for me. Chris and I both loved our pastor dearly in that moment! He took a hurting situation and turned it into a healing one!

Anyhow, that's how the day went......I can't say my heart didn't hurt....because it did. But like Chris said...given our experiences...that's normal.

~Shannon