Based on what we know, our sweet Samantha Peep, our first baby, was conceived on July 11th, of last year. This is her one year anniversary of life. She started as a sweet little set of cells and developed into a tiny looking newborn...and she was in the arms of Jesus then.
I've cried on and off all day so far. I'm so grateful that my best friend EE was able to be available to talk last night. It was so comforting to talk for an hour to her and have her listen and know that she cares...and that she says the right thing!
Today is also our three year anniversary. We struggle because our anniversary will never just be our anniversary with joy anymore but will always be mixed with sorrow and also joy over Samant
But I am happy to say.....that I adore my husband. There are very very few marriages and relationships I envy because I really am so content in being married to him. He is a wonderful provider, a strong emotional support, my protector and defender, and just sweet....Last week he made me a cheesecake all for me....which we decided to share with his family while they were over for the evening...but the rest is mine--in the freezer--to cut little pieces off of as I want. It was so sweet. He insisted that I shower first last night.....after our church pool party. He has been so sensitive and tender, especially these past six months, in dealing with my needs and taking care of me and our baby. He is so dedicated to the two of us...and I am so blessed. I love that man passionately and deeply .....and best of all, I know he loves me! When I look back to three years ago, I realize how special our wedding day was...but how even more special our marriage has been, because we have become one from the two that we were. We are so blessed. Most of all, the man is Christ-centered which is of utmost importance to me. When my best friend R's baby girl Alexi went into the hospital, I was in tears, talking with another friend, listening to a voicemail from R....We were in the middle of our nightly game of cribbage and Chris stopped the game, looked at me...and said that we needed to pray. He took my hands and he prayed out loud for Alexi and her mommy and daddy...This was of great comfort to me. I see him developing into such a strong, wonderful, godly man...and I am so blessed! So many people do not have this relationship that we have....and I wouldn't trade it for the world.
This baby kicks a lot these days. There is a lot of movement and we love this child so much. But......this baby is not Samantha. Nor is Samantha this baby. We love them exclusively and equally. As do we Dominic and Noah, and will all of our children.
But I am grateful to be almost 26 weeks along with our rainbow baby. This is a blessing.
But it still hurts. Very badly. I want Samantha with all my heart. And I look at others who recently had babies, especially back in April, and I wonder what Samantha would be doing and what she'd be like today.
My heart feels like it's breaking all over again today.
~Shannon
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