Doctors

Today has been especially bad. After yesterday afternoon and a bit of a rough morning, I called my therapist. I was in desperate need of some direction and needing to find a doctor. Chris and I had been seeing his old doctor's office in Butler but I had decided I needed to see someone new for a few reasons. Anyhow, here's where I come clean about all of this. I am tired of keeping it all hidden away and secrets from our family and friends. It's time to be real.

The real reason I struggled with finding a doctor and needing to see one but not wanting to see one was that I have a deep and intense and incredibly irrational fear of getting on the scale at the doctor's office. I'm not sure when this started. I can weigh myself at home. I can weigh myself in front of Chris (that didn't happen overnight) but at some point I began avoiding the doctor's office to avoid the scale. It didn't matter what the number was, I would freak out one way or another. Anyhow, this is part of my journey in struggling with an eating disorder. So I started to avoid doctors and scales. But I still have to be able to see a doctor. Thankfully, my therapist just recommended me to a very nice female doctor and she says I will not have to get on the scale because it is not worth it for my eating disorder to come back after working so hard to fight it. That's reassuring.

Anyhow, check out my next post on what I will call the entire journey of our pregnancy.

~Shannon