Shup Up ED So I Can Hear Me

In J's office, there's a t-shirt that another young woman struggling with ED made. It says 'Shut up ED so I can hear me.' Somehow, until last night, all I had seen is 'Shut up so I can hear me.' ED makes all the difference. For those of you who might somehow be confused....ED stands for eating disorder.

That phrase has been in my mind all morning. Perhaps it is because I was in group therapy last night and that's when I really noticed it because it was brought up by J.

Do you know how hard it is for me to hear myself? I can't hear myself think. I feel hunger settle in at lunch time and I'm trying to think about what I should eat for Sprout and myself. Instead of being able to think clearly, I hear voices telling me not to eat That I don't need to eat. That I'm not worth it to eat. And I can't hear myself think! I just don't want to eat....But I need to eat! IT IS SO DARN FRUSTRATING. And then when I finally do decide to eat, there are times where it's so complicated to decide WHAT to eat. Makes me so angry.

Shut up, ED, so I can hear ME.

~Shannon